The Best Gifts for Everyone at Your Office Christmas Party
We observe, we question, we test, and we analyze. After years of "extraordinary creative alchemy" in the workplace, while we may not share a physical office with you, we hypothesize that we absolutely share the same taxonomy of coworkers. You know the ones.
Mad Genius believes that people should be accepted as they are. We also believe they deserve gifts that match their specific frequency of vibration. Oscillating between the clinical and the chaotic, here is your guide to navigating the holiday season.
The Office Mom
She knows every birthday and blood type on the team. She maintains a strategic reserve of aspirin and stain remover that rivals a small pharmacy. She always asks if you've eaten enough. Without her, the office plants would die, and so would morale. She carries the emotional weight of the team and deserves to be spoiled.
The Mad Gift: A color-coded chore wheel. Is it passive-aggressive? Yes. Is it "delivering the unexpected"? Absolutely. Gift her the power to officially assign kitchen cleanup duties to the sales team. Watch her eyes light up as she realizes she can now gamify the scrubbing of the microwave.
The Genius Gift: A nuclear-grade heated throw blanket. Analytically speaking, the office mom is perpetually freezing because the office thermostat is set to "cryogenic stasis." A plush, electric throw blanket is the warm, logical hug she tries to give everyone else.
The Intern
Their semester is ending and they’ll soon return to school. They are bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and statistically penniless. Use this opportunity to nurture their craft.
The Mad Gift: A framed photo of the office printer. Lean into the absurdity. Commemorate the location where they spent 90% of their tenure. It’s a cruel joke now, but in ten years, when they are a CEO, it will serve as a humble reminder of their origin story. It evokes nostalgia for those classic tropes. You could go with this fairly generic option or maybe this one with a little more panache.
The Genius Gift: A high-end "I am an adult" portfolio. Help them look the part. A sleek leather portfolio suggests they are ready to "stay thirsty for success." Slip a Starbucks gift card inside, because the data recommends they need the caffeine more than you do. Please be aware that these are shockingly expensive, so you'll probably want to go with the framed photo of the printer.
The CEO
What do you get the person who signs the checks? This is a high-stakes scenario requiring courage. You would rather not look like a sycophant, but being cheap is also ill-advised.
The Mad Gift: A monocle. Hear us out. It’s distinguished. It’s theatrical. It commands the room. If you walk into a meeting and the person at the other end of the conference room table is wearing a monocle, they have your attention. Whatever deal you were considering is as good as signed. It signals that they are meticulously "observing and analyzing" every pixel of the company's performance. Plus, if they drop it in shock during a budget meeting, the dramatic effect is undeniable. Here's a lovely gold color one that is actually functional, instead of something from a Halloween costume.
The Genius Gift: Local artisanal consumables. Do not buy them "stuff." They have stuff. Go for the ephemeral. A bag of locally roasted coffee beans (because: coffee ) or small-batch olive oil. It shows taste without crossing into the "too personal" isolation area. Here's a site where you can buy some local artisanal consumables. They're at least local to us anyway. We're not sure where you live.
The Grinch
There is always one person who attends the party strictly out of obligation. They stand in the corner, checking emails, radiating a desire to be elsewhere. We accept them as they are, but we’re going to mess with them anyway.
The Mad Gift: A sweater with actual bells. If they refuse to "embrace the vibes," you must force the whimsy upon them physically. Every movement becomes a jingle. It is a symphony of Tim Robinson-level awkwardness. Delicious.
The Genius Gift: Noise-canceling headphones. Give them the gift of a void. The Grinch usually just wants to focus on the analytical and block out the "art" (read: chatter) of the open-plan office. This tells them, "I respect your desire to never listen to me again." It is the ultimate peace offering.
The Aspiring LinkedIn Influencer
This person has never seen a meeting invitation they didn't like. They view every minor office inconvenience as a "teachable moment" regarding corporate synergy to share with their 500+ connections.
The Mad Gift: A vintage typewriter. Now they can draft their "musings and opinions" offline. The tactile clack-clack will make them feel like a serious journalist, while the lack of a Wi-Fi connection will give the rest of our feeds a much-needed break from their hot takes. The Genius Gift: A Premium Portable Ring Light. If they are going to broadcast their "Creative Contemplations" from the parking lot, they should at least look well-lit. We are driven by data, and the analytics suggest that engagement rises with production value. Help them polish their personal brand until it shines brighter than their actual job performance.
The Genius Gift: A premium portable ring light. If they are going to broadcast their "Creative Contemplations" from the parking lot, they should at least look well-lit. We are driven by data, and the analytics say that engagement rises with production value. Help them polish their personal brand until it shines brighter than their actual job performance.
Did you like our gift ideas? Wait until you see what we come up with for your next ad campaign. Schedule a meeting and we'll put some hot cocoa on the stove.